Mind Your Own Reality

Moved to Facebook

2009-04-28T14:29:00.002-04:00

Thanks for reading my blog. Ciao!

Hang loose, brah!

2009-01-21T09:11:00.000-05:00

Finally, a Hawaiian in the White House!

Husband Cheat Sheet

2009-01-08T09:55:00.003-05:00

Read it, learn it, live it:

And the Best Advertisement of the Year Goes To

2008-12-27T10:42:00.002-05:00

Chicago furniture store, Leather Creations:

Because Sometimes an Erection Lasting More than Four Hours is a Good Thing

2008-12-27T10:27:00.001-05:00

The Afghan chieftain looked older than his 60-odd years, and his bearded face bore the creases of a man burdened with duties as tribal patriarch and husband to four younger women. His visitor, a CIA officer, saw an opportunity, and reached into his bag for a small gift.

Four blue pills. Viagra.

"Take one of these. You'll love it," the officer said. Compliments of Uncle Sam.

From the Washington Post.

The Best Thing Ever

2008-12-27T10:26:00.000-05:00

What are you doing here, when you could be over here?!

After the VP Debate: "Eliza Doolittle's Big Night?" OR "You Can Put Lipstick on a Pygmalion...?"

2008-10-03T10:28:00.022-04:00

Governor Palin, do you see the current economic bill as a Wall Street Bailout or a Main Street Rescue?

"The Pain on Main's felt mainly on the soccer field... I betcha."

By George, I think she's got it!

Okay, okay... I'm stretching it a little, forcing the metaphor. Sarah Palin did well. No major gaffes, she connected well with the camera, she had her talking points down, there was no major blood letting. Well done, Guv'nor. And a "well done," "a pip pip cheerio," and a "cup cup cup cup of of of of tea tea tea tea" to the Henry Higginses of the McCain camp. My only complaint--I just wish I had my Palin Bingo card while I was watching:

This just in -- the top secret debate flowchart:

Now THAT's a plan!

2008-09-28T14:39:00.001-04:00

McCainâ��s Economic Plan For Nation: 'Everyone Marry A Beer Heiress'

Tina does it again

2008-09-28T14:05:00.001-04:00

This is pretty goshdarn funny.

Anderson Who? Shepwho Smith?

2008-09-28T13:57:00.004-04:00

I've got a new crush!

And according to nndb.com, he's straight! Yay me!

How I Met Your Father

2008-09-18T08:16:00.003-04:00

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Don't be a litterbug...

2008-09-16T15:41:00.002-04:00

Anti litter message for the Karma age... harder hitting than a teary Native American, a fate worse than the Group W Bench:

Suey!

2008-09-10T09:53:00.009-04:00

"Who are you calling a pig, Mister?!"

Barack calls Sarah a pig.. or does he? Click here. Jane Swift thinks so. That must make it right.

Let me just think this through... If my husband and I are having a conversation with our neighbor, and our neighbor uses the expression, "You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig," and my husband jumps up and yells, "That's a terrible thing to say about my wife!"...

Who do you think I'm gonna be mad at?

If I were Sarah, I'd smack John on the back of the head.

Just sayin'...

Guys: Pay close attention

2008-09-08T15:07:00.001-04:00

I haven't been blogging lately. With current political events and gossip and rumors, I've been concerned about the role of the blogosphere. Yes, in general more information is good, but unreliable, un-sourced, my-cousin-knows-a-girl-who-said-she-knows-a-guy-who-did-blow-with-the-candidate-at-a-gay-bar stuff is irresponsible and in some cases reprehensible. So I've been hanging back and observing.

But today-- today! I am moved to blog this. No one can dispute the facts herein:

Wanna see John Kerry's millions of sweat glands dropping the deuce?

2008-08-27T09:02:00.008-04:00

Here's an entertaining article about ~~Secretary of State~~ ~~Secretary of Defense~~ ~~Baron Von~~ Senator Kerry in Boston Magazine by Joe Keohane.

Olympian Choolie

2008-08-14T11:37:00.003-04:00

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Brain Teasers - Welcome Back from Vacation Edition

2008-08-13T07:48:00.017-04:00

These are pretty clever. Try to resist moving quickly. Look at each picture, try to determine what it represents, and then look at the answer below the picture.

In the comments let me know how many you got! (I didn't do so well, but it was pre-coffee!)

Light beer

Card shark

Assaulted peanut

Doctor Pepper

Egg plant

Knight mare

Hole milk

King of Pop

Tap dancers

Gator aide

Pool table

Eye pod

Word of the day at Dictionary.com

2008-07-30T06:25:00.002-04:00

sesquipedalian \ses-kwuh-puh-DAYL-yuhn\, adjective:
1. Given to or characterized by the use of long words.
2. Long and ponderous; having many syllables.

noun:
1. A long word.

As a sesquipedalian stylist, he can throw a word like 'eponymous" into a sentence without missing a beat.
-- Campbell Patty, "The sand in the oyster", The Horn Book Magazine, May 15, 1996

. . .her eccentric family's addiction to sesquipedalians (that big word for "big words"), and her furtive passion for flossy mail-order-catalog prose.
-- David Browne, "Books/The Week", Entertainment Weekly, October 23, 1998

Sesquipedalian comes from Latin sesquipedalis, "a foot and a half long, hence inordinately long," from sesqui, "one half more, half as much again" + pes, ped-, "a foot."

Dictionary.com Entry here.

Coming Attractions...

2008-07-29T08:35:00.000-04:00

For more info, click here.

Time for Some Campaignin'

2008-07-29T08:17:00.004-04:00

Starring *me*! (Jibjab lets you animate yourself! At 1:53, that's me!)

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

This isn't schadenfreude.

2008-07-28T09:07:00.002-04:00

I'm just bracing myself. It's not pleasant watching public figures come undone, and this one could get really ugly. (Here.)

Attention Old People: The saying "Jumped the shark" has "Nuked the Fridge"

2008-07-28T08:24:00.005-04:00

You know how it used to be cool to say something "jumped the shark" when you were describing how that something has passed its prime and become ridiculous and/or dated? (You know, it harkens back to that Happy Days espisode when Fonzie water skis over the shark.) Well, you can't say "jumped the shark" anymore-- lest you out yourself as a geezer-- because that expression has um, passed its prime, etc. You wanna be a cool hipster? Then you gotta say, "nuked the fridge."

Sorry Indy. (Click here.)

Cell phones

2008-07-24T18:06:00.001-04:00

Not for kids? Click here.

Maybe it's best to get a hands-free headset and limit your usage... just in case.

Remember these guys?

2008-07-24T09:07:00.000-04:00

Irony! Satire!

2008-07-16T08:55:00.002-04:00

The New Yorker cover... do you trust your neighbor to get it? John does. Click here.

Warning: John's posts freely use the F word, in large print. Don't open around your boss or your kids.

Uncle Louie's Picture Picks

2008-07-08T08:32:00.019-04:00

Estrogen Wednesday

2008-07-07T07:43:00.050-04:00

I asked Charles if I could guest-blog an Estrogen Wednesday on BigMattress.com. It's not so much because he sucks at Estrogen Wednesday exactly; he does the best he can with what he's got. I mean, I know nothing of the relative merits of boobs versus tushies, I can't speak intelligently of gear ratios, and I don't know what a "touchback" is. I don't have the resources-- the equipment-- to take on a Testosterone Tuesday. And on Wednesdays, Charles does the best he can with his... limited equipment.

Now for my task, it'd be easy to just post a picture of Marky Mark Wahlberg and call it a day. I mean, Schwing!:

Am I right? Don'tcha just wanna get out a little xylophone mallet and play "Lady of Spain" on his six pack? No? Okay, okay, some of you want to go a little more cerebral; you need more for the imagination. I'm feelin ya. How 'bout this?

Oh, Indy, you impertinent rogue. You know I know where the Ark is, but I'll never tell you. Not even if you ravish me ten, no twenty times tonight. Now stop looking at me that way or I'll... I'll...

Ahem, anyway. I'm not going to go those routes for this Estrogen Wednesday. Instead, I'm going to use this forum to tackle an important issue: Charles' Blog Author Photo. You know, the one in the top right corner of the blog. The one that changes every other day or so. What's up with that? How hard is it to choose a photo? You've got your color scheme, your theme, your motivation, expression, shape, size... Ah.. girl stuff. I'm thinking here's a guy who needs the help of an estrogen brigade. So step up, women. Sound off, vote, and use those female hormones to the common good.

Item One - LadyArtist's Masterpiece

Let's hear a group "Awwww." Isn't she talented? This is clearly Most Awesome. But it's an election year, and Charles-Bama is looking for CHANGE. So, like rearranging your bra drawer to move the fushia push-ups to the front and put the comfy, white cotton, no-poke underwire ones in the back for a little extra SASSY!, so too, must we put away our favorite for a while to rock da house.

Which brings us to...

The Blue Shirt/Glasses One, aka "The Gay One"

There is a contingent, including the model himself, who thinks this picture is of Charles' inner homosexual (not that there's anything wrong with it-- it's just not what he was going for.) I disagree. This looks like Charles to me. I like the glasses, I like the blue. The facial expression is sincere and familiar. To me this picture does not say "Hiya, Sailors!" Rather, it says something more profound and appreciative... something like, "Oh! You brought cacciatore!"

And then finally, the most recent contender:

A Farewell to Arms, aka Captain RedShirt

Arg, me hardees

First, let's give a shout out to the photog. Nice job, clearly posed and composed. That being said-- maybe it's the facial expression, but I don't know that guy. Is this an Ernest Hemingway dustjacket? Does this stranger have indigestion or is that a pirate smile? I dunno. I've never seen that face before.

But, in the plus column, the blue photo background is handy for photoshop.

Yes, yes, I suck at Photoshop. It's not even really Photoshop-- too expensive-- it's Photoshop's trailer trash cousin, Microsoft Paint. That's not the point. The point is, Charles needs your help. His authorial identity, his Blogmeister Image, the entire Feng Shui of his site depends upon YOU.

Do you prefer Charles in a blue state or a red one? Does size matter? And can somebody please do better than I did with Photoshop? (Send Photoshop entries to Charles' email.) Vote in the comments back at bigmattress.com- early and often!

Update

This just in-- from LadyArtist.

We can call this "Blue Hawaii" (for the shirt)

And two new ones:

The one on the left, (my new favorite) is from 1976 and came from Danny. The new red shirt one on the right is recent. Let's call them "Then" and "Now." Or should that be "Before" and "After?" (Click on the photos for larger versions.)

They could be on to something...

2008-06-26T08:18:00.002-04:00

Stoners, like, totally solve nation's air travel problems. Click here.

Cultural Interlude

2008-06-20T09:20:00.000-04:00

A WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

A MAN'S POEM:

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

The End

The Saudi Solution for Allowing Women to Drive

2008-06-18T10:57:00.001-04:00

(Danny made me do it.)

To clothe or not to clothe?

2008-06-17T06:56:00.003-04:00

I was reading this article on CNN (here). Vermont has no laws banning public nudity. There's a beautiful little beach in Westmore, Vt., 20 miles from the Canadian border which has been a popular clothing-optional spot for 25 years. The folks with kids are circulating a petition to get an ordinance making the nudies put their clothes back on. Clothing-optional folks want to leave things the way they are. The select board doesn't want to enforce an ordinance. The Parks folks just want people to stop removing driftwood and vegetation.

"For me, it's about common public decency -- getting families and kids and people and Westmore back down to what they all talk about as being the most beautiful place, and they don't go there any more," said Tony Strange, who lives about a half-mile from South Cove and helped circulate a petition asking the Select Board to enact the ordinance.
Regulars say the nude beach is an accepted part of the area that doesn't cause any trouble...

Raymond LaFountaine, 41, of Magog, Quebec, and his wife travel to Westmore several times a summer to camp nearby and relax nude at Southwest Cove.
"I think it's a privilege because it's such a beautiful place, such a peaceful place, we can enjoy that little beach," LaFountaine said.
Strange said he and his family would also like to enjoy the beach.
"All we're looking for, you know, is no nudity on the public beach," he said. "You want to be naked in private, fine. ... I just don't want you to prance around like a puffed up chicken in front of my kids and think it's OK."

The nudists are on to something!!

I have three children under 9 whom I love dearly. And I have a wardrobe of clothing I love, well, maybe not equally dearly, but I'm happy to have it. And I am of the opinion that most people really do look much, much better with their clothes on. In fact, if it weren't logistically tricky, I'd never be naked. I'd wear a bathing suit in the shower. But given the opportunity to enjoy a beautiful, peaceful beach day with no screaming rugrats, no splashing, no sand in my face-- getting nekkid would be a small price to pay.

They nudies have found a loophole! (Well, they've probably found many...) They have achieved a Child Free Zone without obvious discrimination! Congratulations, Naked People!

H2-Go!

2008-06-17T06:45:00.003-04:00

The Art Fairy Made This

2008-06-17T06:15:00.003-04:00

Isn't it awesome? Click to see it bigger!

Eli's Dirty Jokes Episode 7

2008-06-16T12:44:00.002-04:00

Goodbye, Tim Russert. And thank you.

2008-06-15T12:15:00.007-04:00

What a wonderful tribute to Tim Russert on Meet the Press this morning.

For me it's especially poignant, today being Father's Day. I lost my Dad to a heart attack seven years ago, and watching Meet the Press is one of those Commune-with-Dad rituals I've kept. I have memories of watching the show with my Dad in the early 70's. Back then it was a team sport to tune the program in, because my father would always want to check who was on the MtP versus who was on Face the Nation, and in order to maximize enjoyment, you'd want to discern that information in the first 30 seconds of the show, weigh the decision, and tune the TV accordingly. So, Dad would sit in his recliner, instructing one kid to turn the channel dial on the TV, while the others madly clicked the remote antenna dial to keep pace. I can still hear the metal behemoth turning on the roof: Ka-klunk, ka-klunk, ka-klunk... "Okay, Kissinger's on Meet the Press, who's on Face the Nation? Nixon? No! Go back go back!"

(Okay, Kissinger was probably never on opposite Nixon. I was little, okay?! But the Ka-klunking is historically accurate.)

Of course, Tim Russert took over the show well after that time, and his custodianship has been stellar. Keeping my Dad-Communing ritual with Tim has never been a chore.

Good job, Tim. You done good.

And Happy Father's Day, Dad.

PS I looked back through my blog, to see what I had previously written about Tim Russert. Predictably, I wrote that I had a crush on him. On January 7, 2008 I wrote (see full text here)

One last note: On Meet the Press yesterday, Tim had on a couple of veteran political strategists, a republican and a dem, neither currently affiliated with a presidential campaign. When asked who they thought would be the nominees, they both agreed: Obama and McCain. (Surprising, no?!)

[Which reminds me, hey, clipboard, is Tim Russert gay? Because I was finding him rather adorkable yesterday with his little puns and what not. I don't want to have my little crush crushed again by another closeted newsie...]

He knew in January. Impressive.

Here's a classy clip from Conan:

Happy Father's Day!

2008-06-14T09:42:00.001-04:00

What Next?

2008-06-14T09:41:00.000-04:00

Welcome Big Mattress Fans!

2008-06-10T16:08:00.002-04:00

Welcome again Charles fans. Click here.

Colbert Me

2008-06-10T06:48:00.018-04:00

I love Stephen. He has replaced virtually everyone on my Celebrity Exception List. (You know, that list of five celebrities you could mess-around-with with full spousal blessing in the one-in-twenty-billion event that you met said celebrity, charmed them, and convinced them not to not call the cops on you.) I used to have John Travolta on there-- until I found out he probably bats for the other team. I mean, there's nothing wrong with being gay, but why would I waste one of my five super-long-shot, once in a lifetime, Oh-My-Gosh-Could-This-Really-Be-Happening-to-Me spots on someone who'd rather be with Andy Dick? Likewise, for similar rationale, I have struck from my list Shepard Smith and Anderson Cooper. (The latter still saddens me. He'll never be my boo.) And, although internet searches show that he's is merely metrosexual, popular decree on this blog dictates that I lump Sanjay Gupta into a similar category.

So my new list looks like this:

1.) ~~Harrison Ford TOO OLD?!~~ ~~John Travolta MAYBE GAY~~ Stephen Colbert
2.) ~~Shepard Smith PROBABLY GAY?~~ Stephen Colbert
3.) ~~Anderson Cooper AMBIGUOUSLY A-SEXUAL?~~ Stephen Colbert
4.) ~~Sanjay Gupta Not gay but too pretty?~~ Stephen Colbert
5.) ~~Tina Fey (Hey, I get confused sometimes, too)~~ Stephen Colbert

Does anyone know where he hangs out on Saturday afternoons, say around 2:30?

Anyhow, it's his rapier wit that gets me. And the haircut.

AP piece on Colbert here.

Good Colbert quote from the above article:

"I am not a passive verb," he says. "This is first person, present tense, at all times. I am a verb. As Buckminster Fuller said, 'I seem to be a verb.' The show is present tense, present active. We're not passive, we don't observe. We set the news agenda. We create the news. We throw the pebble of the show into reality and we report on our own ripples."

I'm a ripple, Stephen. Colbert me.

Whaaa?

2008-06-10T06:47:00.000-04:00

???!!!

Ack!

Eeek!

Snopes.com - Ahhh!

Eat it Tom.

2008-06-10T06:43:00.000-04:00

Tom Brady's ex and mother of his son, Bridget Moynihan shows that living well is the best revenge.

Herald Article here.

Photo by Douglas Friedman for Harper's Bazaar

The Old Mistresses Apologue

2008-06-09T15:02:00.027-04:00

Why Ben Franklin, you dirty old... dead thing, you. Today I stumbled across a 1745 Franklin essay about why it's better to get it on with a Cougar than a Pretty Young Thing. (Source: here.)

Number 5's my favorite.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

18th century propriety being what it was, he sorta talked like the riddler: If you cover the top half with a basket and only regard that below the girdle, all cats are grey in the dark. Deficiency of Fluids flows south. And she who sags in the face and chest continues in the Lower part as plump as ever. And the old ones know more than the young ones, so snuff out those oil lamps, and get yourself a little old lady son'sin-son'sin.

Ben. You. Dirty. Old. Dog. You.

Here's the whole thing, cuz we're like an intellectual blog here, and stay tuned after the essay for supplementary graphs and clips and all sort of profound nerdity~

OLD MISTRESSES APOLOGUE[1]

June 25, 1745

My dear Friend,[2]

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stored with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreeable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do Services small and great and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produced may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because through more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is they are safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclined to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and may lead to a Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8 Eighthly and Lastly, They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly, being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.

[1] Apologue as defined by Wikipedia: “An apologue (from the Greek: απολογος, a statement or account) is a brief fable or allegorical story with pointed or exaggerated details, meant to serve as a pleasant vehicle for some moral doctrine or to convey some useful lesson without explicitly stating it. Unlike a fable, the moral is more important than the narrative details. Like the parable, the apologue is a tool of rhetorical argument introduced in order to convince or persuade.”

[2] Judged “too indecent to print,” this essay in the form of a letter was unknown to the general public until well into the twentieth century. No nineteenth-century editor or biographer of Franklin dared to publish it although private printings, usually entitled “Advice to a Young Man on the choice of a Mistress,” brought the essay a wide underground popularity as “the wittiest essay” Franklin ever wrote. The addressee is unknown, and it is likely that Franklin had no specific one in mind.

Did you see that? Footnotes! Impressive, yes?

BONUS POINTS

While researching this topic, I came across this groovy ancillary information. And THERE'S A GRAPH!! From Wikipedia:

The "half-your-age-plus-seven" rule

Graph source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Half_Your_Age_Plus_Seven_Graph.JPG

The "half-your-age-plus-seven rule" is one rule of thumb defining a mathematical formula to judge whether the age difference in an intimate relationship is socially acceptable. Mathematically speaking, the rule is:

Can you believe it? A GRAPH!!!
And, finally, because everything relates to 30 Rock:

The First Lady is a class act

2008-06-09T13:47:00.005-04:00

Say what you want about anyone else, but isn't Laura Bush the cat's pjs? In remarks at the Presidential Palace in Kabul today, she was asked about Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama. She said she admired Hillary's "grit and strength." And about Michelle Obama's "for the first time in my adult life, I'm proud of my country" remark, Laura said:

"I think she probably meant 'I'm more proud,'" said Laura Bush Monday, adding that "you have to be very careful in what you say" when you’re campaigning.

"That's one of the things you learn and that's one of the really difficult parts both of running for president, and for being the spouse of the president, and that is everything you say is looked at and in many cases misconstrued."

We'll miss her.

CNN story quoted is here.

"The Fist Bump of Hope!"

2008-06-06T21:14:00.000-04:00

Seriously. When I saw The Fist Bump at the speech Tuesday night, I really did say to myself "Aw. They're just like us!" (Except we call it a "pound, dawg," since we got it from Scrubs.) So I guess we are the subject of this article! (Click here.) Oh, here's another article claiming it's an African American thing, and it's called "dap." Oh, and here it's a "Hezbollah Style fist-jabbing."

By the way, if this cool, hip way of relating has filtered down to us 40-something nerdy types (I'm including the Obamas along with Mr.&Mrs. Mind Your Own Reality in that group,) you know it must be passé.

By the way, still PILFy.

The Office: Dinner Party Episode

2008-06-06T08:26:00.002-04:00

Or if you'd rather, here's the link: Click here.

This is the best thing ever

2008-06-06T08:00:00.002-04:00

The MILF Island episode of 30-Rock:

Or if you'd rather, here's the link: Click here.

Cheney Apologizes to West Virginians for Inbreeding Joke

2008-06-03T10:08:00.002-04:00

That is the actual headline on CNN.com. Click here. Check out the photo they chose.

Sorry Officer

2008-06-03T09:52:00.000-04:00

Squish!

2008-06-03T09:49:00.000-04:00

Who wants to marry a billionaire?

2008-06-03T09:29:00.007-04:00

Did you know that in America a billion is defined as a thousand million, but in Britain and Germany it's a million million? So if you're going to marry a billionaire, make it Hans or Nigel. (Click here.)

What is a Billion Dollars?

I got an email about government spending (thanks Nancy!)-- about how lightly we toss around the word "billion." It's a number so big that we can't really envision it, so it becomes unreal- as if we're dealing with Monopoly money. So for example -- I read that in 2006 we were spending two billion a week in Iraq (I couldn't find current number readily.. so sue me.) Two billion a week at one point. That meant that by Thursday morning we had spent a billion. What would that look like?

Here is a million:
$1,000,000.00

Here is how many million it takes to equal $1 Billion:

$1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00

Sub total= 100,000,000 (we are now at one-hundred million. Let's continue)

$1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00

Sub total= 200,000,000 (we are now at two-hundred million. Whew, on we go.)
$1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00

Sub total= 300,000,000 (Three hundred million...>>>>>>>>> )
$1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00

Sub total= 400,000,000 (Four-hundred million... )
$1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00

Sub total= 500,000,000 (Five-hundred million. Half way there.)
$1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00

Sub total= 600,000,000 (Six hundred million... come on stick with me here.)
$1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00

Sub total= 700,000,000 (Seven-hundred million...deep breath)

$1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00

Sub total= 800,000,000

$1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00

Sub total= 900,000,000 (900-hundred million done.)
$1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00 +1,000,000.00

Total= 1,000,000,000
Ah! $1 Billion... hmmm.

Brian Williams blog

2008-06-03T09:09:00.004-04:00

I stumbled upon a collection of Brian Williams' blog posts this morning. Click here. Good stuff.

In one of his posts, he says of Peggy Noonan, "Peggy is doing the work of her career and must be considered an early favorite for next cycle's Pulitzer for commentary." He recommended this piece: click here. I've always had a hard time listening to Peggy (she's so dramatic) but it is compelling writing. This one about Scott McClellan's book is interesting, too: click here.

Ya Mon

2008-06-03T07:34:00.003-04:00

"Barack Obama" by Cocoa Tea

"Barack the Magnificent" by the Mighty Sparrow

You hungry?

2008-05-31T06:27:00.002-04:00

This made me laugh so hard milk came out my nose. And I wasn't even drinking milk at the time.

2008-05-30T07:04:00.003-04:00

People sometimes ask what it was like working for Charles. It was just like this.

2008-05-30T06:37:00.003-04:00

Gopher Choolie...

But aren't they gonna be pissed when they find out we've had HD-TV for years?

2008-05-30T06:27:00.001-04:00

Uncontacted tribe sighted in Amazon. Click here.

I'm so Green! And Smug! And my clothes are stiff as a board!

2008-05-29T18:23:00.016-04:00

Photo: Sara Remington for the NYTimes.

We're finally wind and solar powered here at the Mind Your Own Reality Commune: I started hangin' out the laundry. Yeehah. Carbon footprint: shrinking. And we're composting and growing our own vegetables, and keeping bees and..

I just had a flash-- I've been getting them lately-- well, not that kind, although I get those, too, like someone just cranked up your internal pizza oven to "crispy." What is up with that? Is it not bad enough to get grey hairs and fine wrinkles and 7 pounds around the middle? Must we sweat like linebackers, too? But anyway, the other kind of flash-- the one where I rise up out of my body, look back at myself, and see my mother in the 1970s. The only things I'm missing are I don't make my own clothes (but I wish Mom were still here to teach me how), and I don't have one of those Another Mother For Peace pendant necklaces like Mom did:

Oh yeah, and my Mom wasn't smug... But other than that, pretty close. So I tell you what-- I'm gonna be another mutha and get me one of them there necklaces. (Then I'll be smug and fashionable.)

What was it that crazy French guy said on Cheers once? "Plus ca change, plus c'est le meme chose."

"The more things change, the more they stay the same."

(Smug, fashionable and pseudo-intellectual.. hmmm. Maybe not like Mom at all. Maybe more like Cliff Clavin.)

Oh yeah, the point of this whole thing-- did you know they have ordinances against clotheslines in some communities? I guess folks are too fragile to see the dainties of others flapping in the breeze. Ain't we precious?

If you need help exercising your right to dry: go here.

June 10 Update: Heat wave...4 days of 95 degrees. Screw global warming. And smugness. I'm turning on my AC. Carbon footprint - EXPANDING. Oh, well..

That explains it

2008-05-28T07:05:00.001-04:00

Your Assignment

2008-05-26T18:30:00.004-04:00

Give me five sentences about something that happened to you in the past two weeks, each sentence containing at least two adjectives and one adverb. Extra points if your story has a moral or ends with a pithy maxim.

Note: With the exception of the pithy maxim part (which I added solely because I like the phrase "pithy maxim,") this assignment is stolen from my daughter's second grade homework. I'll go first:

The deli boy quickly convinced me to buy the delicious Welsh cheddar. Although I had never tried it before, his ardent enthusiasm and boyish charm overwhelmed my skepticism. After all, who would expect a wide-eyed, gangly, eighteen-year-old grocery clerk to have a strong opinion of imported dairy products? Not I; I prejudiciously presumed that his youthful expertise would pertain only to fast food burgers and sugary colas. It just goes to show: you should never judge a grocery clerk by his cover and why buy the mystery cheese when you get the advice for free?

Deadly Handsome Men

2008-05-23T15:25:00.000-04:00

No Reservations. No comedy, either.

2008-05-20T09:28:00.011-04:00

Arrg! It happened to me again.. based on a trailer, I think I'm going to see a nice romantic comedy, and wind up instead with a drama.

I'm not saying it wasn't an okay movie. Sorta. I mean, the leads had no chemistry, and I'm not a fan of Cathy Jones anyway-- and I spent quite a bit of time squinting at the male lead trying to decide if he was attractive or not. But the food looked good. And yes yes if I had read the synopsis on the DVD sleeve I would've known that there was tragedy involved. But for those of us who like to read as little of the plot line as possible before the movie, that trailer up there was a total bait and switch. S'all I'm sayin'.

Recently Stumbled Upon

2008-05-20T08:23:00.005-04:00

It's sometimes difficult to be patient with an old style storyteller- a raconteur- in this age of instantaneous communication, information at the speed of light. But this is worthwhile if you have a few minutes to smile:

Update: After I stumbled on that, I sought out this. And this first clip sort of shows what I was talking about. I love Jon Stewart-- Love him-- but his pace is wrong for O'Toole. He's too fast-- he needs to be more patient.

But Jon slowed down and redeemed himself a bit in Part II of the interview. I'd say if this were The Battle of the Interviewers, Letterman kicked ass. He proves that there is an art to shutting the heck up.

Dude You're Like Eating the Sun

2008-05-20T07:54:00.003-04:00

Heaven for Movie Geeks

2008-05-20T06:45:00.005-04:00

Here's a list of "blunders" in best picture winners and "notable nominees."

There are 90 of them. Who is this observant? Who is this anal?

Click here.

My personal favorite:

10 of 90 :
"Gangs Of New York"
2002 Best Picture Nominee

Just before an 1846 street battle, Priest Vallon recites a prayer: "St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle! Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil." Unfortunately, that prayer wasn't written until 1888.

Chortle, chortle. Oh, silly movie people -- didn't know the prayer was an anachronism. They must've fallen asleep in Comparative Religions of the 19th Century class! Oh, how intellectually superior we feel! Chuckle, chuckle. Snicker. Dungeons and dragons, anyone? I'm Dungeon Master!

Runner Up:

36 of 90 :
"Rain Man"
1988 Best Picture

Raymond (Dustin Hoffman) says his father removed him from his home on Saturday, Jan. 21, 1965. Jan. 21, 1965 was a Thursday.

We know that! We were just trying to drive you OCDers crazy! Bwahahahahah!

Cultural Interlude

2008-05-18T20:50:00.003-04:00

And now for an haiku from Choolie:

I'm a total dork
But I know he's got my back--
I'll make him some toast.

Economic Term of the Day

2008-05-17T16:18:00.005-04:00

lipstick effect - n. During a recession, the tendency for consumers to purchase small, comforting items such as lipstick rather than large luxury items.

I just bought some Maybelline Moisture Extreme lipstick in Rosy Glow. It works. I feel comforted. And luxuriated.

(and pretty. Oh so pretty.)

Country Roads, Take Me Home...

2008-05-16T16:16:00.002-04:00

Jon Stewart on Hillary's recent win

Could Hillary be Veep?

2008-05-16T06:46:00.003-04:00

Whether Barack wants it or not? Bob Beckel says "Count on it."

[Bob Beckel managed Walter Mondale’s 1984 presidential campaign. He is a senior political analyst for the Fox News Channel and a columnist for USA Today. Beckel is the co-author with Cal Thomas of the book "Common Ground."]

Al Gore Watch Day One

2008-05-15T08:54:00.001-04:00

"May 15 (Bloomberg) -- John Edwards's endorsement yesterday of Barack Obama leaves former Vice President Al Gore as the major Democratic figure still on the sidelines in the party's presidential race." Click here for the whole analysis at Bloomberg.com.

The Game Ender?

2008-05-15T06:29:00.012-04:00

Our own Officer/Chef/Rocker Danny sent this picture to me with the caption:

This is "Van Helsing" and the wooden Stake:-)

[He's referencing his answer to my last week question, "If George Stephanopoulos says it's over, does that mean it finally is?" Danny commented at the time, "...only when "Van Helsing" or someone like him drives a wooden stake through her heart. "]

Is this it? Is this the wooden stake? I was listening to Margery Eagan [not a Hillary fan] on talk radio yesterday who was suddenly coming up with reasons to feel sorry for Hillary. I was surprised to be right there with her.

Hill wanted this forever. She waited through her husband's reign--as patiently as possible-- for her turn. And. This. Guy. From. Illinois. Comes out of nowhere and.. Argh!

I know, I know... that's every candidate's story. But even though she's pissed me off a bunch of times, it's hard not to feel sympathetic. Do I feel more sympathetic to her because she's a woman? Because I've seen her cry? Because I know it's hard not to look hippy in a royal blue pantsuit?

Probably. I didn't cry for John. Or Bill. Or Mitt. Or Rudy.

I wonder, will we miss Hill when she's gone? More important, will she ever be gone?

Update: Eeeek. Here's Hill getting all choked up talking about Chelsea with Wolf Blitzer. Man. I just want to hug her. And vote for her. And.. dagnabbit that darned estrogen.

Are you kidding me?

2008-05-14T14:00:00.002-04:00

Herald Story (and source of this photo) here.

As I prepare my daughter for her kindergarten Memorial Day Presentation, and we practice songs celebrating brotherhood from sea to shining sea, I wonder about stuff like this T-shirt.

And Speaking Of Bill O'Reilly...

2008-05-14T13:52:00.005-04:00

Duke and the Drivers, circa 1975

Photo courtesy of Chef Danny, king of the Weber Charcoal Grill, former law enforcement during the Great IHOP heist of '72.

Bill O'Reilly's lawyer is the one of the far left (surprisingly enough). Danny is next to him.

The O'Reilly You Didn't Know

2008-05-14T09:23:00.012-04:00

Yeesh. Click here. (Warning: sound low. Bill says some naughty words.) Be sure to come back afterward! There's more!

Did you enjoy that? Now you must go here to see The Colbert You Didn't Know.

This just in: Bill to talk about the clip tonight on his show, Wednesday 5/14. (If you care.)

The Inside Edition video is disappearing from the internet. It has been pulled off YouTube-- "CBS claims copyright infringement." and it has disappeared from the Huffington Post. Click on the Gawker link before it's gone from there, too. If you can't get it at any of those sources, someone put up this nifty remix (WARNING: F-BOMB. Keep sound low.):

The Force is with Him

2008-05-14T06:59:00.018-04:00

Charles posted this on his blog, so I apologize to those of you who have already seen it.

For those who haven't seen it, this is the bomb.

The Empire Strikes Barack:

Okay, okay, I'm an Obamaniac.

For the record: on his blog, Charles said Hillary Haters from all sides will love this. I never thought of myself as a Hillary Hater. I'm a person who is Extremely Annoyed by Hillary. Again and again throughout the campaign, she has thrown issues at Barack-- like his statements about Reagan for example. That's the first one I remember. He explained what he meant in a way that everyone could understand-- and I'm sure Hillary understood, she had made previous similar statements herself-- but she continued to spin his statements the wrong way. Every time he makes a gaffe and explains or apologizes, she continues on as if she never heard the explanation- WHY? Because she thinks WE DON'T UNDERSTAND THE EXPLANATION. Which means she thinks we're stupid. Call me Otto, but that drives me nuts:

Like Otto, I am sometimes not exactly correct.. And I know I'll take some heat here from people who don't like Obama's explanations. That's fair. But even if you fall into that category, you can't deny that Hil thinks you're stupid. Arugula-gate labels OBAMA elitist? Uh-uh. Those farmers he was talking to know exactly what arugula is. (To quote that mook Vinny Antonelli (Steve Martin) in My Blue Heaven, "It's a veg-eh-tah-ble.") And guess what? Hillary didn't have to look up "arugula" either. Sure, perhaps the price of arugula at Whole Foods wasn't first on the farmers' agenda... but if they make their living growing veg-eh-tah-bles, then they are aware that arugula is popular in some markets, and shopping for that veg-eh-tah-ble at Whole Foods is probably an experience that Barack has actually had at some point. Wouldn't it be disingenuous if he drawled, "Y'all seen the price o' grits down the Piggly Wiggly?" Citing a "Bubba Gap" because Barack mentions arugula is not dissing Obama, folks. It's dissing Bubba. But we're not smart enough to figure that out, because Hil will drink a Bud with us.

I'd rather have a latte with Barack.

I'm so excited! (I think.)

2008-05-12T07:34:00.009-04:00

It's a risky move for Harrison Ford, reprising the Indy Jones role. He holds a special place for us now, frozen in time, like this:

I mean, seriously yummy, right? He was really cute as Han Solo, but we really took notice of him in the Indiana Jones movies, when he was just...So... Ripe. Succulent. LLLLLLLLLuscious.

Sigh.

Nineteen years later can he still make our little hearts go pitter-pitter-pitter-pat-Pat-pitter-PAT?

I dunno. I hope so. Of course, the studios are hedging their bets by pairing him with a cute little boy:

And yeah, the boy's nice looking. But he ain't succulent. He needs more time on the tree. Or in the oven. Or whatever you do with that to turn it into this:

Look at that face, those eyes. I just feel it in my bones. He KNOWS things. Secret things. Things I want to know, too. That boy up there, eh.. not so much.

Let me tell you 'bout

2008-05-11T17:09:00.007-04:00

Heidi the Science Kit- I mean Cougar (she prefers Cougar to Kitten) --Heidi the Science Cougar and Mr. Mind Your Own Reality install the bees.

Heidi the Science Elvis Impersonator suits up.

May the force be with you.

Sting Count:
Heidi the Science Cougar: 2
Eager 8-year-old assistant Meredith: 1

Meanwhile, in a backyard not too far away, Mr. Science Cougar was having a nice mow when his lawn machine decided to go out in a blaze of glory. Literally. Mr. Cougar managed to grab the garden hose and douse the fire before the flames reached the tank.

Heidi the Science Kitten and Mr. Mind Your Own Reality

2008-05-11T13:41:00.004-04:00

Are starting a joint beekeeping venture in my backyard. Stay tuned for pictures. In the meantime, I have started collecting bee and honey themed songs for a CD compilation I'm going to burn. Suggestions welcome. Enjoy this one:

Totally Classic

2008-05-11T13:39:00.001-04:00

Something over on Charles' Blog made me remember this sketch:

If George Stephanopoulos Says It's Over..

2008-05-08T10:40:00.001-04:00

..does that mean it finally is?

I heart Tom Hanks

2008-05-06T07:16:00.003-04:00

And he hearts Barack Obama. So my mind is made up...

Beware: Celebrity Endorsement

"The Arugula-and-Latte Candidate"

2008-05-06T06:50:00.001-04:00

Margery Eagan on how Hillary has managed to paint herself woman-of-the-people to Barack's "arugula-and-latte" candidacy.

"Suddenly the biracial son of a single mother on food stamps has become the arugula-and-latte candidate, Mr. All-Organic please. The guy who just paid off his student loans has morphed into an effete Harvard philosopher king who has no clue as to how real people live. And this is before we even get into the nutty reverend mess.

Meanwhile, Hillary, $109 million in the bank and 30 years of life in a taxpayer-financed glass bubble, is champion of the little people. Their plight she understands completely. “She’s worked the night shift, too,” says a new Clinton ad comparing her to a waitress. I guess she refilled ketchup bottles somewhere between Wellesley, Yale Law and the Arkansas governor’s manse."

Read the whole column at the Boston Herald website.

Celebrity Plastic Surgery

2008-05-06T06:45:00.006-04:00

Fountain of Youth or Font of Phoniness? Check out MSNBC's slideshow.

Gas lines form on Nantucket before prices jump 60 cents

2008-05-05T08:31:00.003-04:00

$4.56 on Nantucket! From the Boston Globe.

Hard to believe, but every word is true

2008-05-04T20:11:00.005-04:00

After reading this, I went to "legitimate" news sites and confirmed it all. At face value, it's extremely sad... on a metaphorical level, it's spine chillingly spoooooooky.

From Wonkette.com:

".. WHERE TO BEGIN: Hillary Clinton's pick to win horse racing's Kentucky Derby, Eight Belles — the only female horse in the race — finished second, broke both front ankles, and subsequently was put to death on the track. The first place horse was 'Big Brown.' Go nuts."

From the commenters on Wonkette:

"by SayItWithWookies

This is only a test. If this had been an actual Hillary metaphor, Eight Belles, after breaking both ankles and being euthanized, would've gotten up again and started stumbling around the track some more."

" by SwanSwanH

This analogy doesn't work, because Barry's horse is a unicorn named Dreamsicle, and Walnuts bet the ranch on a charioteer named Spartacus. "

"by amygdala1 at 06:18 AM on 05/04/08

There once was a filly Eight Belles,
To which Hillz supported all-tells
Had to go down
Right on the ground
Let's shift the focus to lapels"

"by liberaltruthsayer at 11:23 AM on 05/04/08

nice limerick amygdala...I was thinking of doing a haiku (as I am oft to do...)

Sad day at derby
gluey end for belle but wait
portends well dark horse.

hmmmm"

Cocinero (chef) Danny's Cinco de Mayo Chicken

2008-05-02T08:17:00.002-04:00

Break out your Webers! It's time for a fiesta! Arriba!

Mojo-Marinated Chicken Tacos
with Tomatillo Salsa

Prep time: 25 minutes
Marinating time: 2 hours
Grilling time: 16 to 20 minutes

Marinade
1/4 cup fresh orange juice
3 tablespoons fresh lime juice
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh cilantro
1 tablespoon finely chopped jalapeño chile pepper, including seeds
1 tablespoon minced garlic
3/4 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves (without tenders), about 8 ounces
each

Salsa
1 medium yellow onion, cut into 1/2-inch slices
Extra virgin olive oil
10 medium tomatillos, about 1/2 pound total, husked and rinsed
1 small jalapeño chile pepper, stem removed
1/4 cup lightly packed fresh cilantro leaves and tender stems
1 medium garlic clove
1/2 teaspoon dark brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

12 flour tortillas (8 inches)
3/4 cup sour cream

1. In a medium bowl whisk the marinade ingredients. Place the chicken in a
large, resealable plastic bag, and pour in the marinade. Press out the air
and seal the bag tightly. Turn the bag to distribute the marinade, place the
bag in a bowl, and refrigerate for 2 hours.

2. Lightly brush the onion slices on both sides with oil. Brush the cooking
grate clean. Grill the onion slices, tomatillos, and jalapeño over direct
high heat (450°F to 550°F), with the lid closed as much as possible, until
lightly charred, 6 to 8 minutes, turning once or twice and swapping their
positions as needed for even cooking. Be sure the tomatillos are completely
soft as you remove them from the grill. Combine the onions slices,
tomatillos, and jalapeño in the bowl of a food processor fitted with a metal
blade, along with the remaining salsa ingredients. Process until fairly
smooth. Taste and adjust the seasonings. Pour the salsa into a serving bowl.

3. Remove the chicken from the bag and discard the marinade. Separate the
tortillas into 2 piles of 6 tortillas each. Wrap each pile in a sheet of
aluminum foil. Grill the chicken over direct medium heat (350°F to 450°F),
with the lid closed as much as possible, until the meat is firm to the touch
and completely opaque in the center, 10 to 12 minutes, turning once or twice
and swapping their positions as needed for even cooking. At the same time,
grill each packet of tortillas over indirect medium heat until warm and
soft, 3 to 5 minutes. Remove the chicken and tortillas from the grill. Keep
the tortillas in the foil while you slice the chicken as thinly as possible.

4. To serve, put some sliced chicken in each warm tortilla. Pass the salsa
and sour cream for toppings. Serve right away.

Makes 4 to 6 servings

Hooray for not-gay Sanjay!

2008-04-30T07:55:00.010-04:00

Watching CNN this morning, I was finding myself crushing major on Dr. Sanjay Gupta. And, considering my track record with crushes on newsmen who I later discover are gay, I immediately googled him. According to nndb, he is straight! Not that it matters-- I'm married anyway, and I still love Shep and Coop, but what I'm saying is *I* am not only attracted to gay men! Which makes me feel better about life in general, if you know what I mean.

[To my husband: Sorry, honey. I never doubted you for a minute. Not even when you went through your tap-dancing-and-singing-showtunes phase. I knew. Inside you were all man.]

The Root's Open Letter to Michelle Obama

2008-04-29T13:33:00.004-04:00

"Dear Michelle,

Can Barack please have a cigarette?

No, stop right there, maybe you don't get it: the future of the free world depends on it." Click here.

Photo source: Jezebel.com

Word of the Day

2008-04-29T12:19:00.003-04:00

Dictionary.com's word of the day today is gimcrack, a lovely little locution to lay on the Jameses in your life:

gimcrack \JIM-krak\, noun:
1. A showy but useless or worthless object; a gewgaw.

adjective:
1. Tastelessly showy; cheap; gaudy.

Use it three times today and this little gimcrack of a term will be the cornerstone of your vocabulary!

Honorable mention goes to gewgaw. Who knew?

Karl Rove's advice for Barack

2008-04-29T09:01:00.003-04:00

In his Newsweek column, Karl Rove offers political advice to Barack. It's pretty interesting.

I heart the worldwide interweb

2008-04-21T06:51:00.010-04:00

Because of my recent blog post about Gi Boooonchen and her womanly perkiness, h sent me a tip about bras. See? The information superhighway is finally being used for the important stuff. I love it.

h says get a Wacoal bra for maximum perk, and she sent these pictures. I'm liking the black one. It is called "The Lost in Lace Contour Bra."

Sigh.. I want to be lost in lace, too.

So I went to the Wacoal-Amercia website and found their store locator, which has you enter your zip code and defaults to finding a store within 75 miles of you. 75 miles! Most of these locator things default to 15 or 20 miles, but apparently Wacoal America is confident that you will travel thrice as far for their particular type of perk. My options for stores are Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom, Macy's, Lord and Taylor, Bloomingdales and Saks Fifth Ave.

Apparently I'm going to need a part time job to support my new bra habit.

But I will persevere.

I hereby pledge to endeavor a quest for this bra, set down my adventures in lyric poetry, and travel they countryside with my zither, recounting the tale.

Update (Part I of the Epic Saga):

Get a free fitting for a Wacoal Bra and Wacoal will donate $2 to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure breast cancer research and outreach programs. If you buy a bra, they donate another $2. And they'll give you a nifty Republic of Tea travel tin with Pink Lemonade green tea. Click here to find a fitting event near you.

To forgive is divine..

2008-04-20T07:24:00.002-04:00

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question.

All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'

I don't have any.' She replied, smiling sweetly.

'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?'

'Ninety-eight.' she replied.

'Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how
a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the
world?'

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle,
faced the congregation, and said:

'I outlived the bitches.'

Chef Danny's Gadget Corner - Weekend special

2008-04-20T07:13:00.003-04:00

After you've been slaving all day at the grill, the last thing you want to do is get up off the couch to get a beer...

Just goes to show, you can't buy Class.

2008-04-17T09:45:00.006-04:00

AP photo From Inside Track

From Inside Track article, "Paris Apologizes:"

"Paris Hilton quickly apologized yesterday for calling her one-time BFF Kim Kardashian’s B-List booty 'cottage cheese inside a big trash bag' on a Las Vegas radio station." (See rest of article by clicking link above.)

I Heart Gi

2008-04-17T07:16:00.007-04:00

Remember, Patriots fans: It is not (or no longer) acceptable to hate Gi because she is beautiful. She's with Tom, and he's with us. So by the transitive property, she's with us:

a=b; b=c; therefore a=c
Q.E.D.

It seems the gals at the Inside Track finally got the memo. Here is a complimentary article: "Tom and Gi and Baby Makes Three."

"The supermodel is holding the binky-sucking baby - quite expertly we might add - as Bridget’s nanny waits behind the wheel to take John home to mommy."

Now that I've gotten over my butt-hair-face-envy and adopted Gi as my BFF, do you suppose she'd tell me where she got that bra? She's looking especially perky in this picture, isn't she? The Gillian O'Malley ones I get at Target-- the elastic seems to throw in the towel within the first 20 minutes. Do you suppose SuperNonTiringElastic made from super-springy rubber harvested from sustainable rainforests in Australiasia is the "secret" in Victoria's Secret? (Is this the big blog-scoop I've been waiting for?)

Photos from Boston Herald Inside Track column, they credit flynetonline.com

I Heart Colbert 4-eva

2008-04-17T07:08:00.004-04:00

If you have a few minutes, watch the entire Larry King podcast with Colbert on CNN.com. Stephen plays it so sublimely deadpan, Larry has no idea how to deal with it.

"I'm anti-polygamy and pro-fascism, Larry. Is that so hard to understand?"

Hey! Only I'm allowed to Pick on Tom!!

2008-04-14T15:06:00.005-04:00

Now I'm mad. Click here.
(But read comments first.)

For some reason it won't let me link directly (dagnabbit), so you'll have to scroll down and choose the video about Tom entitled "Gosh, he's exciting." Warning: TMZ starts playing a list of videos as soon as you land on their site, while you're scrolling and looking for Tom Brady. Some of them are R rated and fuzzed out, so use caution.

Hey, Kids!!!

2008-04-14T12:36:00.006-04:00

Get your Playmobil Security Checkpoint today!! You've gotta go read the customer reviews at Amazon.com.

"I hear Playmobil is coming out with a waterboarding torture set. I think I'll wait for that and buy them together to save on shipping." -M.Swift (Amazon customer reviewer)

"While I'm sure your child will love this do we really want to reveal our security secrets to the terrorists? I bet al-Qaeda is training the next generation with this very product. I am saddened to learn that Playmobile hates America." -T.Phillabaum (Amazon customer)

"Quandary: Do you think that if I carried my child's Playmobil Checkpoint through an actual security checkpoint, I could travel through time?" - P.Wenzel (Hill Valley, CA, in the year 1985.)

"At first it looked as though my Playmobil terrorist cell was going have trouble getting through this security system - no naked flames, sharp objects, guns or bombs. Then I bought the Tobacco Lobbyist upgrade pack which allowed cigarette lighters to be carried through so they simply torched the plane instead. Hours of fun for all the family." - R.Dobson (Amazon UK customer)

Chef Danny Speaks...(in haiku, of course...)

2008-04-12T16:50:00.004-04:00

Choolie,
The weekend is here
Time for real charcoal is now
You won't regret it.
Danny

Just got the May issue of Bon Appetit

2008-04-09T13:15:00.005-04:00

See? I told you. Meat! What's a poor omnivore to do?

8 1/2 Minutes that Might Turn You into a Vegetarian

2008-04-09T08:47:00.031-04:00

You know, I enjoy a good steak as much as the next person. Okay, maybe I enjoy a good steak more than the next person. I mean, look at this: Mr. MindYourOwnReality's birthday dinner last weekend. Filet mignon, grilled medium rare atop garlic mashed potatoes and capped with steamed asparagus and a smoooooth bernaise. Ahhh.

Yum, right? Go ahead, click the picture--get a closeup. You can almost smell it.

Then somebody sends me this video (I know it's long, but holy smokes you've gotta see this):

Wait for it. Watch the whole thing. Okay, if you're really in a hurry you can watch the first few minutes then slide the bottom bar thingy ahead to see the finished product. Got it? Okay, read on...

Did you see that?! The elephant can paint. And not only can the elephant paint, but the elephant can paint AN ELEPHANT. Okay, okay, let's assume someone trained the elephant to paint an elephant. Let's assume (let's hope, even) that the beast didn't just whip that up the first time it had access to a brush. But even if it is trained to do that, doesn't that show a pachydermal-cognizance you didn't know existed? I know, I know, what's that got to do with steak? We don't eat elephants-- but they do in Bangkok-- there it's considered to improve sexual performance (must be somethin' about trunk-strength). And isn't the Thai people's taste for elephant just as arbitrary as our taste for the cow-- an animal which is sacred to Hindus? I mean, go with me here. There are people in the world who can't believe we eat cow. We find it repugnant that some in China eat dogs. But if a dog painted a self portrait, they'd probably stop, right? And they certainly wouldn't eat Faith the Biped Dog-- would they?

So what does this mean? I'm a confusedavore. A guiltitarian. I looooove the steak, but... What if I'm eating a potential Vincent VanCow? Pablo Piccata-so? Georgia O'Beef? Could we be surprised at bovine abilities if we only gave them a chance? Do we want to open that can of worms? Or--if we gave them a can opener, do you think they could open it themselves???

I think I'm prepared to draw a line in the sand. If anyone posts a YouTube video of a cow doing a self portrait, I'll stop eating them. But so far, I searched YouTube for cow videos and all I found was this:

Hmm. If intelligence is the key factor, maybe they should eat us.